


February: 3 THINGS DEAN WILL NEVER DO (AND THE WORST THING HE COULD DO)

by trinipedia



Series: My Xmas Secret Santa gifts [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: spnwriterlounge, Fanfiction, Gift, Gift Exchange, Gift Fic, Gift Giving, Gift Work, M/M, Secret Santa, xmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-07
Updated: 2010-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-12 09:06:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9065251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinipedia/pseuds/trinipedia
Summary: This is for spnwriterlounge secret santa exchange!My birthday is February 5th, I'm an aquaris, like Dean.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for [**spnwriterlounge**](http://spnwriterlounge.livejournal.com/) secret santa exchange!  
>  My birthday is February 5th, I'm an aquaris, like Dean.

**_1\. Make them think they stand a chance, then refuse to see it through_**  
  
Dean has always thought that teasing is downright _mean_.  
Of course, we're not talking about the good teasing, the teasing where your partner brings you tantalizing close just to withdraw afterwards and then starts it all over again.  
Nah, that works for Dean.  
In fact, he's quite a master at it.  
In those cases, though, both Dean and his partners know they're going to get what they want, in the end, so even if they complain it's never heartfelt: no one wants sex to end too fast, and drag it on a little can't possibly be a bad thing.  
What Dean can't stand is the _other kind_ of teasing.  
The girl wearing a skirt so short that he can see her panties if she bends forwards a little rubbing against him and then sitting next to her boyfriend.  
Or the guy with the fucking eyeliner in the bathroom that stares at his dick with hungry eyes and then, once Dean has him against the wall, mutters that he's _not like that_ and flies.  
That's something Dean will _never_ do.  
He flirts a lot, he winks at waitresses and twinks, flashes his best smile at them and then waits.  
Once he has their bodies pressing against him, warm and pliant and willing to give everything they have to him, he would be a fool to walk away.  
So Dean simply spreads their legs, enters them with a powerful thrust and closes his eyes.  
And yeah, maybe he calls for someone different from the person he has just fucked, once he comes, but usually they're all so spent and blissed by then that no one notices.  
Or maybe they just don't call him on it.  
Either way, Dean's fine with it: he promises, he delivers.  
No matter how trashy and no good his brother might think he is, at least Dean's honest. _Ha._

   
**_2\. Throw life away on a dream that won't come true_**  
  
He makes choices.  
Every day, both when he's hunting and when he's not.  
His life has always been full of choices.  
Not all of them have been good, obviously, but who could blame him?  
Dean has never been a thinker.  
He shoots first and asks questions later, that's his deal.  
Thinking and pondering have always been Sam's specialty.  
That's probably why they work together.  
They complete each other, they _fit_ , and that's something Dean will never, ever mess with.  
Because right now?  
Right now Sam is all he has, it's what propells him forward and gives him the strength to open his eyes and face one more day every freaking morning.  
Dean doesn't know what he would do if he lost it.  
Which is why in this case he had only one possible choice.  
No matter how sure he is that Sam is _it_ , for him.  
No matter how much it hurts knowing that it will never happen.  
No matter how close they are and how right they are for each other.  
Dean can't risk it, and if he thinks about it, he can't doom Sam only because he's been doomed all along.  
It wouldn't be fair; as a matter of fact, it would go against everything Dean believes in.  
Protecting Sam, keeping him safe.  
His only job.  
He has already screwed it up once, he won't do it again.  
And since he's never been good at facing his own demons, he can't stay home every night, take cold showers and mope on what he'll never have.  
So he goes out, again, to drown his sorrow in a bottomless glass of Jack and to fill the emptiness he feels inside with the emptiness of someone else. 

 

**_3\. Hurt someone out of spite or jealousy_ **

Dean and Sam hurt each other, from time to time.  
Ok, screw that.  
_All_ the time.  
But Dean would never be mean to Sam because he's jealous of him going with others-he's not _that_ hypocritical.  
First off, they're not together, they've never been and they never will be.  
Secondarily, Sam isn't even aware Dean desperately wants them to be, since Dean himself decided not to tell him.  
And last but not least, Dean fucks everything that moves, lately.  
He can't expect Sam to be celibate just so that he doesn't have to feel the pang of guilt and loneliness inside of his chest.  
Basically, Dean's life sucks.  
He might be a con man, someone who lives off fake credit cards and hustled money, but he doesn't steal, not really, and he doesn't lie.  
Especially not when it matters the most.  
So when Sam looks him straight in the eyes and demands to know what the fuck is wrong with him, why is he being such a damn jerk to Sam when all he did was trying to have a little fun, Dean shouts at him.  
He just- _shouts_.  
When later on he tries to recall exactly what it is that he said, exactly, he's unable to.  
There's only a weird throb in the center of his brain where the memory should be.  
All he knows is that his eyes filled up with tears, at some point, and he cowardly ran away.  
The last thing he saw was Sam's wide eyes as his older brother fell apart in front of him.  
What did he think, that Dean couldn't feel?  
That Dean couldn't be hurt and suffer?  
Dean is not so far gone to realize that, if Sam really thinks that, it's because he made him.

 

 ** _4\. A fact I'll bet you never knew_**  
  
Dean hears Sam's footsteps approaching, but he doesn't turn to look at him.  
His fingers twitch against the side of the Impala.  
"There are worse things I could do than fuck a girl in the back alley of a diner" Sam points out, in a whisper.  
Dean clenches his jaw.  
"I know."  
"Besides, that's what _you_ do all the time" he adds.  
"Yeah."  
"Well, then why-"  
"I'm tired, Sam. I'm just _tired_. Tired of being strong, tired of hiding, tired of all the secrets and the lies. I'm done with it, all of it."  
Sam is stunned into silence, and he has even stopped walking.  
Dean snorts.  
"Yeah, newsflash, Sammy. I'm human. Bet you never knew I was, uh?" he states, mockingly.  
Sam groans.  
"For fuck's sake, Dean, drop the act! Of course I knew. I've been begging you to share with me what's killing you for months now, and you've always shut me out."  
Sam's voice sounds pained, and Dean's instinct tells him to fix it, because Sam can't, _mustn't_ suffer.  
Ever.  
"How can you not know how I feel about you, Dean? You're the most important person in my life, you're all that matters. You're probably sure that I think you're trashy and no good, but-that's not it. It has never been."  
Sam puts a hand on Dean's shoulder, and Dean grabs at the car's door not to jump.  
He didn't realize Sam had gotten so close.  
"I do think you're some kind of a slut, though" Sam adds, trying to lighten up the mood.  
"I wonder what your skanks would say if they saw you right now, all tearful and emo."  
Dean punches Sam's arm, jokingly, swallowing down the rest of the tears he has no intention of showing to his brother.  
He pretends to ponder about it, and Sam chuckles before his expression shifts back to a concerned one.  
"Seriously, Dean. Talk to me."  
Dean nods.  
"I will."  
Sam seems to expect something more, but when it doesn't come he shrugs and walks back to the motel, after throwing a side glance at Dean's face.  
Once he's alone, Dean slides to the pavement and lays the back of his head against the cold metal of the Impala's side.  
Sam is right.  
He's throwing himself away, and it's not even working all that good after all, so he might as well stop and go back to his usual self.  
Fucking random chicks (and dudes Sam knows nothing about) only serves to remind him that he'll never have the only one he wants, so why bother?  
Dean sighs.  
"I suppose it could be true" he mutters "but there are worse things I could do."  
And to cry in front of Sam?  
That doesn't even make the **top ten**.

END

**Author's Note:**

>  **LUOGO:** work  
>  **UMORE:** energetic  
>  **MUSICA:** Thriller, Michael Jackson


End file.
